Do you remember how much of your life has been spent gaining control of your life? It started off with gaining control of our bodies so we could stand up and then walk. Of course there was bladder and bowel control. Then there was the "that's not fair" stage which had little to do with justice and a whole lot to do with what's "mine." As teenagers we fought the raging battle of hormones, which took some of us forty years or so to manage. A huge hurdle was the choice of careers and partners. And then came children to raise the whole question again of "Who's in charge here?" It is still a major theme in the lives of adults who say to others or think to themselves, "Get a grip," or "Get it together."
Apparently I am going to spend the rest of my life learning how to lose control. And guess what? Many of the same themes mentioned above are the ones I have to re-negotiate. Yes, I am talking about my changing body, social connections, and children. They are all teaching me that I am not in control. My Buddhist friends tell me that it was an illusion to ever think so!
It reminds me of the weather here at Soggy Bottom.
A few weeks ago we had about nine inches of rain over a three day period. Our road washed out in several places, wheat fields were underwater, and fences were down. We walked down our road where the high water mark was six to eight feet. Our sump pump died a heroic death trying to syphon all the water. Our basement flooded. Then we had a few weeks of dry and hot weather. The earth cracked, the lawns turned brown, the corn stalks began to lose color, and dust roiled across the prairie. Then yesterday it started to rain again. We had 3.7 inches. Many towns had to move their fourth of July events into churches, schools, or armories. It is still raining. The new sump pump is working its heart out. Our pastures are standing in water. Our white horse is now gray, and all are standing in putrid slop.
There is not a blessed thing I can do about it. I am not in control. I guess that's why Loyola said, "Act as if everything depended on you. Trust as if everything depended on God."
